The Great Cheese

The Great Cheese is a very generous and benevolent god. However, he does not tolerate people that do evil deeds and sentences them to eternal damnation in the Fields of Punishment. Every generation, The Great Cheese selects one person to become his messenger, his Cheesiah. This person, who is, at the moment High Briest Francois, becomes the High Briest when the last High Briest dies. When a Cheesiah dies, even if they did not become the High Priest, The Great Cheese welcomes them with open arms. The Great Cheese judges the worth of a soul and depending on their deeds in life, they may either be sent to Etorki Fields if they were virtuous, the Fields of Asiago if they did neither good nor bad, or the Fields of Punishment if they were bad. Souls in the Etorki Fields enjoy a rich happy afterlife while souls in the Fields of Asiago roam aimlessly and bored through the fields. Souls in the Fields of Punishment are eternally tortured with bad cheesy cheese puns. There also exists a separate place for Cheesiahs and particularly virtuous souls called Aragon. Only people with pure, untainted souls such as King Ambert can get into Aragon.


The Beginnings Of Cheesianity (Con’t)

He decreed that every year, on March 21, the anniversary of his miraculous recovery, people sacrifice Gouda to the Great Cheese in honour of His limitless generosity and kindness.  At the end of his life before his death, he was granted entrance into, Aragon, the paradise reserved for the virtuous Kings of Camembert, by the Feta of the Lake. It is said that should the isles that the Kingdom of Camambert lie on should ever be  threatened, the Kings of Camembert will lead the charge against the threat and save the people.

The Beginnings Of Cheesianity

The founder Cheesianity is said to be King Ambert of the Kingdom Of Camembert. He was the leader of the Knights Of The Brie Table. The biggest of them all Sir Cumference was known for his good taste in cheese. His right hand man, Sir Cheesalot accompanied him on the quest for the Holy Grana. Unfortunately, his nephew, another knight, Sir Morbier, gravely injured him before he could retrieve it and his legendairy sword, Excalibrie, was lost. However, before he died, The Great Cheese healed his wounds with the power of cheese, and King Ambert declared Cheesianity the national religion of the Kingdom of Camembert.


Cheesianity has many followers around the world. Among them are some of the most famous people in the world including. Brieance, Justin Brieber, Juustoleeipa Trudeau, Paris Stilton, Al Marscapone and the rock band Swiss. Cheesians pray to the Great Cheese everyday for He is a benevolent and kind god that blesses the land with cheese and prosperity of a good cheese harvest. The current leader is High Briest Francois. He is advised by 13 briests and a partridge in a pear tree. The High Briest leads the sermons everyday at 12pm. Cheesians encourage giving cheese to the poor and do not like wasting cheese, even if it is mouldy. To the Cheesians, mould just makes it better.


Cheese is the most healthy food in the world. The best cheese in the world is swiss cheese. It is the best because it is the most holiest cheese ever. Swiss cheese was first invented by Our Lord And Savior Cheesus. Cheese even has its own religion called Cheesianity. Followers of Cheesianity are called Cheesians and they worship The Great Cheese. They make many sacrifices of Gouda to The Great Cheese because it is Goud. People that get divorces or choose to remain unmarried are refereed to as forever Provolone by the common people who are Gouda. There is also said to be a secret group of Chessian extremists named the Hallouminati that exists to convert people to Chessianity.